I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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