You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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