she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
