Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
