I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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