my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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