seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
