Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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