I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
