a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
