We're like a lot better than the average bears
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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