I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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