piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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