and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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