I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
