bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
pop tarts are not kleenex
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
