he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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