please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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