singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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