he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
