My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
