Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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