i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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