I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
