i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
