Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There are leaves in my underwear?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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