My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize