I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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