walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
