but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
