I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
