my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize