Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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