but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I deserve this hangover.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
