I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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