you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
