Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
