I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
