I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
