turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
