So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
