You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you would pick up someone in the library
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
