I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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