Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
