my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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