The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize