I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Pappa wants mamma naked
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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