I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
