We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
