Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
