Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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