Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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