You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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