brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
