Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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