Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
