I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
