In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
