i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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