You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
