At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
