I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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