The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
