Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
