I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
