The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
