3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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