I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
