It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize